happy stop! =)

2006-08-05T08:51:00.000-07:00

5 August 2006

"we don't live in a world of reality, we live in a world of perceptions" Gerald J Simmons.

sometimes people think they know so much about everything.. but in reality that is only their own narrow-minded perception of things.
you only see what you see.. but there is so much more you haven't seen. the reality world.. the real people behind that "personality".

only last week did i realise that your personality is totally different from your character.
your personality is how you interact daily on a social basis to the world.
your character is how you react to circumstances you face in life.

my sister used to complain that i used the word "nice" to describe too many people and that i left the word with no value at all. at time point of time i would stubbornly insist "but she is really very nice!" but at times.. i would have to come back to her and tell her i discovered otherwise. now i realised something.. when i said that someone was nice i would be simply judging the fact on how my friend treats me. (the personality)
and everyone's nice to their friends.
true niceness is how you treat your enemies or people you dislike.. that is true character.

i have to learn to be less self-centered, selfish and sensitive to my own feelings when i am upset because unknowingly i hurt people. i am really sorrie. i can't believe how quick-tempered i am.. one moment im yelling the next moment i regretted. It was pride that made me walk on.

i dugged everything out and said it already. there is nothing deeper in me i haven't said at all. i was so scared when i said everything.. it was like showing myself, my weakness my everything beneath what they usually see.

i don't expect anything to change because what can i change? except myself.
i don't know how i am going to do that, but i am. because God will help me. :) even though it seems difficult but i will just take it.................

i won't care about people's opinions and what people think i will just trust in God, follow his ways and love.

2006-07-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

9 July 2006

i bought a new notebook for my attachment. its brown with a pretty yellow sun on it.. hees. cheers me up completely! so excited for attachment tmr! wahaha! i can use my cute new notebook.. opf. "yes, yes? asthma oh ok.." scribbles off... MY gosh!! i will look so cool!
wahaha! can't wait! hehe.
my da jie's graduating on tuesdae! finally! wheee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im excited! but i must think of smthing nice to wear to take lotsa of photos with.. -groans- nevermind.. i will make er jie think for me. anyway i hope i will get to eat nice food! yay!! da jie's treating us! :D
sorrie.. im just babbling on.
lalala.. im off to finish up my new bk! :) gd nite everyone!

2006-07-08T18:43:00.000-07:00

8 July 2006

God knows what's in your heart

and what you need before you ask.

Even when you

don't know for sure, God knows,

because He knows you.

He knows the outcome

of every situation,

and He's guiding you

even when you might feel

that you have lost your way.

He knows how much you can bear,

and He will give you strength

and fill you with His grace

and blessings

as He walks with you

every step of the way.

He is surrounding you

with his love

and holding you gently

in the palm

of His hand.

something found on a card a dear friend gave me once when I was upset.. you don't know what magic that card made in my heart.. thank you. :) thank you for being my angel.

2006-07-07T23:50:00.000-07:00

7 July 2006

i should quit grinning to myself all over the place.
makes me feel like i'm an idiot. d:
had a realli fruitful week.. -beams-

kids are such sweet people.. they can be naughty n cheeky but they are still so beautiful.
their innocence and realness make them so much easier to understand than adults.

don't hurt their precious little souls. just simply love them.

I'm tired, drained but happy! Its so much less stressful looking after children n you get to play with them too.. haha.

Just met up with emilyn and huiyan.. my precious dears. :) yepps! we will grow together in God's love everydae. let's jiayou together!!!
not everyone is easy to love.. but i will do it! stop complaining and judging cher!

-[day 7]-

2006-06-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

26 June 2006

camp's over!! whee!!!
there were hiccups along e way.. nauseating and not being able to eat.
but altogether it was great!! yay!!!
i learned so much so much.. oh ya. i played this car thing called the "luge". heard before? at sentosa. its FUN!! plus cos we went in a big grp it was onli 5 dollars! yepps.
i wanna go again... hehe.

all i learnt can be summed in this pretty song..

If We Hold On Together

Don't lose your way with each passing day. You've come so far, don't throw it away.
Live believing, dreams are for weaving, Wonders are waiting to start.
Live your story, Faith hope and glory. Hold to the truth in your heart.

If we hold on together I know our dreams will never die.
Dreams see us through to forever. Where clouds roll by, for you and I

Souls in the wind must learn how to bend. Seek out a star, hold on till the end
Valley, mountain, there is a fountain, Washes our tears all away
Worlds are swaying, someone is praying. Please let them come home to stay

If we hold on together I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever Where clouds roll by, for you and I

When we are out there in the dark We'll dream about the sunIn the dark, we'll feel the light Warm our hearts … Everyone

If we hold on together I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by, for you and I

2006-06-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

22 July 2006

my stomach hurts like crazy.. feels like gastric. but i vomitted everything i ate today. sighs.
i feel like i need something to fill my stomach but i don't want to vomit again.

there you go.. again.

it just happened again. 11.21pm.
somehow i keep thinking.. how come i never face that problem of fulfilling my promises.
even if i don't feel well i will just go ahead........

but i realised something.. you had a good reason this time.

so...
i should stop crying over dumb stuff .

what do you mean by i'm not being mature and independent by asking you to come home?
you should be coming home no matter what.. its your house.

i don't deny that your presence cheers me up and sometimes i feel needy for you. i miss old days where everyone is at home..

though i get freaked out about scoldings all the time but at least i knew you cared.

especially when you would call back everyday from the office to ask about us.

I know now we don't need that. but is it so hard to ask of you to be home more often then once a week? sighs.

i miss gwenY too..

how come the people closest to me just like to disappear altogether at the same time? =S

i think i should go and pray now and i will feel better. =)

2006-06-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

21 June 2006

i don't know whether i did anything wrong.
but it feels as though i did.
......
i don't dare to ask anything.
because i know she won't say a thing until she is ready.
just doing everything as usual.
i hope everything is fine with her.
don't store up everything in your heart..
its very burdening for you.
when you want to rant your feelings out just call me ok?
i promise to be there for you no matter what.
even if you want to scold me or anything i will just be there to be scolded.
i really don't know what to do..
all i know is just to pray that everything will be fine.
i think this is a huge possibility.. im just oversenstive.
but something just seems not right.

2006-06-09T01:35:00.000-07:00

9 June 2006

opff! i just spoilt the dryer and its totally my own fault. who ask me to act smart n switch it off when its operating!
but the bigger problem is that i need to dry my clothes in time for camp!! n i need to leave e hse in 1 and half hr's time. gosh! im so last minute!
im contemplating putting my sandles into e dryer but that is too dangerous i think.. i will just break e dryer.

4.15pm

Yay!!! recovered!! hahaha! my dryer is so hardy! just after 15 mins of rest! -grinns-
but i still need to dry my sandles.. -grumbles-

4.34pm

with honesty and being real to each other despite the flaws you know you have forms true friendship. all these can only come as a result of true acceptance of each other and loving despite circumstances.

i miss her... i realised its been 7mths and 15 days since she left us.

5.14pm

2006-05-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

16 May 2005

Happy birthday marilyn!! (=
hey dear.. stay pretty!

feeling so confused.. strike down.
i really don't know what to do.
i always say the wrong things.. i know i am thinking too much.
but...................................................................
i've been sensing it since march.
ever since that day of silence that i totally did not understand.
i don't even know what wrong i have done.

sometimes i can't help but feel so unfair..
i mean its alright to have favorites. everyone has them.
but i don't like it that some are treated worst than others.

sometimes i am so sensitive to my own feelings.. n so insensitive to the others.

hey dear.. rmb to scold me!!! i always forget. you said yesterdae.. you would tell me.
n i am going to save that msg for eternity! (= -u know who u are..-

2006-05-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

14th May 2005

Happy mother's day! (=
granny was super happy today! shall treat mama another day.. love them! -beams-
la la la...
im in a super good mood now! u know why?
cos last night.. i cleared some misunderstandings! sorry dear! i shall never never black face and mood swing u already.. love u a lot!! -big huggs-

n yesterday i met up with my dear dear good fren n talked on e phone with another dear fren.. .. n i realised i have such good friends! hehehe..
they make me soooo happy! im so lucky! -envy me! hahaha-

n i realised smth.. i have quite some frens including me who dont like guys.. haha.
yippee! let's set up a GAP club!!! *guys are pigs!! wahahaha..
i shall be e founder!! hmm... almost all my friends are ideal candidates! melody can be e president! n siyan e vice president.. shimin can be e spokesman! haha. see i give u chance to talk! but then.. i realised.. marilyn wont join la. she loves guys too much! hehe. weilin too.. so mani scandels! haha. jj also lor.. e karine is e worst! "second hand" goods also dont mind.. so forget it la. hehe..
mayb christine can!!! haha... ehhh. wait! i realised got ivan koh mao mao from engineering! wahahaha!

la li la.. im talking rubbish! but im in too much of a good mood now how? hehe. did i mention? i enjoyed a wonderful guy-free day today! except my ah kong.. haha. he is e onli guy besides my daddy that i love!

but dont worry.. im still straight! haha. im just tooooo stuck in nursing... lol.

oh ya.. thanks dear for e card! (= i realii liked it a lot a lot.. sho sweet!
for the first time in a long long time.. my heart feels reali light.. filled with joy.

Thank you God! for always blessing me so much..
remember ur question on who is my best friend? i realised i have one.
n that is Jesus Christ. he is e one that is always always there for me when i feel lonely or sad.. (= n even when im happy.
*i realised smth.. e clock on my blog is totally wrong!!! why liddat? =X

2006-05-12T18:54:00.000-07:00

11 May 2006

"Looking" more christian (=

(Copyright Gospel Communications International, Inc - www.reverendfun.com)

2006-05-08T07:43:00.000-07:00

8th May 2006

so many things happened in the last weekend.. i don't even know how to start.
so i decided i shall onli blog on happy events!

i cut my hair! (= i know it looks almost e same but i like it. hehh. (yes siyan.. now i decided i like it already. haha) oh ya.. thanks dear for accompanying me to cut my hair.

i met up with ps, xiaoji and serene. onli barely for 20 mins bcos i was super late.. but i realised i missed them so much!!!..
xiaoji is still so cute!!!!!!!! though u get teased like crazy.. its so enjoyable to be with her. cos i know deep inside is this super sweet, sensitive n nice girl. (=
serene is still e same old dear girl too.. its always nice to have her around n hear her scolding voice. "wa lao.." haha.
ps is sooooo sweet still. haha. i met her longer cos we went to study after they left. so nice to be able to hear her famous retarded and non-stop laughter again. i realised i missed that too.
haha.. i have such great friends i realised. reali thank God for every single one of them. -smiles-

after that was my ah kong's birthday!! happy 77th birthdae!!! (=
so happy bcos he was like super happy -i can see on his beaming face though he didn't say a thing. haha-
at first we wanted to buy lots of KFC and one Mc chicken wrap bcos grandpa likes to eat..
but granny told him.. n we got scolded bcos he says waste money and he will onli want to eat porridge after a huge lunch (bcos my aunt was bringing him n my granny out for lunch to celebrate).. so my grandma said she would cook fried noodles for us. n behind his back.. i begged to buy cake! haha.

anyway my aunt said we shld buy smth.. no matter what.
so gladly da jie bought KFC and a blackforest cake, er jie bought the chicken wrap and fries and.... my cute little cousin drew a very beautiful card of my grandpa with all the 7 grandchildren.

when we went there was an uproar bcos we rebelled!! haha. n bought KFC, but not a lot la.
when ah kong saw e chicken wrap that he has been yearning to try since so long.. he was like how much? when my er jie told him it was 4.30.. he was like scolding. la la la..
then he took it up and went to e kitchen to cut it into half.
gwenY was like.. -everything in chinese- "huh? you cutting for what?"
he was like "half for granny.." and he went off hurriedly to pass to her.

actuali my grandpa is quite sweet to her though he can be quite rude sometimes.. forever "char bo"ing her. haha.

during singing part..
grandpa refused to move cos he was shy i think. he just sat in his comfy chair. haha.
we sang in hokkien!! haha. had to learn lehh.
but before the first line was completed he rushed to blow e flame and hurriedly returned to his chair again. despite all our protests!!!
didn't know he can be so shy.. haha. my ah kong is so cute!!!

oh ya!! i forgot to mention.. my grandma actuali bought abalone and cooked it with the fried noodles. it was soooo nice! my grandparents refused to touch any of e abalone.. they are reali so nice. reali realli thank God for them. so what if my parents are hardly around.. God blessed us with e best grandparents on earth.
da jie was just saying.. the way our grandparents love us seems like e way God loves us.
They give so much n yet when we onli give so little (like e KFC?) they are already so delighted.
did i mention? my grandparents gave me 50 bucks from the money e gov. gave that thing. so nice right? not like they are very rich also.. reali love them a lot a lot.

maybe bcos of e saturdae thing.. they agreed to go for parents' appreciation night. yay!!! its quite a miracle bcos they were sooooo resistant e last time we asked. our heads practically got blown off. hehh. praise God!!! at least granny is confirmed bcos grandpa says he might not be free. but we will believe by faith that he will come n nth will crop up. so from tmr onwards we are going to fast - onli 1 meal a day and drinks.
reali hope they will come to know God..

2006-05-04T10:23:00.000-07:00

5th April 2006

So glad I have a God that is by me all the time..
Thank you Lord.. (:

cheer up ok siyan? I don't know what is bothering you..
but if u need anything, anyone you can just call me okies? -smiles-

I realised we were quite mean to melody today..
sorry dear. actualli your hair is very pretty. realli.. even my friend told me you looked like a princess. (:

2006-05-04T09:22:00.000-07:00

4th May 2006

she didn't come home again.. felt kind of disappointed again.

I mean I should have expected it but the feeling was there.

Didn't she realise that we needed her?

more than just simply money..

she always claimed that he never kept promises but isn't she just doing the exact same time?

How many times has she broken that same old promise?

She keeps saying I'm acting like a big baby..

I admit I was acting like one.

But I'm sure in their hearts, its the same thing..

Somehow it feels like she doesn't even love us.

She loves herself so much more..
caring about her own enjoyment.

He dropped by today..

didn't see him but he repaired the washing machine..

and bought lots of food.

I miss him a lot... ... how?
I miss her too..

2006-04-30T07:45:00.000-07:00

30th April 2006

ta da!!!! i came online to look at the pictures of my long overdued humanitarian trip 2004 december!!! kelly just passed it to us today. my goshh.. can't believe its been so long. miss those times.. esp when i see zy, joel, jj and kelly in church. realli reminds me of those great times tog. plus weilin.. (i realised smth.. weilinS generally like scolding people. but somehow they are still very cute and u cant hate them de. haha.) so long havent seen her. still rmb when i heard bout e sms kelly got frm her.. haha. so funny la. forever scolding kelly as he well deserves. hehhh. miss her soooo much.

oh ya.. but.. i realised my sister's laptop's e CD part is spoiled.. what is this? -groans- whose willing to let me go to their hse and see? hehhh.
to make up.. im posting zoo pics! (we went on good friday (: ) ta la.. but its onli frm jj's cam so onli a few? d=

oops! this was a mistake.. not my intention to put here. but haha. i like parrots anyway. :D

me n my specs holding a cute duckie that can realli quack!, sherlyn, abby and gwenY dear(my er jie (: )

haha. my fav animal in e zoo! whee!!!!

to do my pretty sister some justice for that pale picture of her.. im putting a pretty one here. haha. so random!!!

oh ya.. Happy birthday Joanne!! (though u most prob wont see this) i just realised tmr is Joanne Chua's birthdae. haha. how coincidental..

2006-04-29T00:29:00.000-07:00

29 April 2006

I hope Mr Chiam See Tong wins the Potong Pasir part.. he is so old and he has been on the GRC for so many yrs le. though everyone's been saying bout how he is getting tired and prob won't win. I'm still crossing my fingers for him. if onli i could vote i would vote for him. but im not yet 21 and i am not staying at that part of the GRC. d=

its so sad if he loses still.. hope this elections won't be a clean sweep. without opposition..
at least let there be Mr Low Thia Kiang to win? ta ta..

suddenly i sound like i'm so informed right? haha. i actualli dunno de. just that i spoke to my aunt and my jie bout it today.. n i've been reading newspapers cos im fasting frm reading general bks except school bks and my bible. as they have been a great distraction. but i think its quite fun and interesting actualli.. and the truth is that i onli know the super general stuff onli. haha.

my aunt, uncle, cousin and my sister are all going to the aljunied GRC one tonight.. hehh. wondering if i should go? or stay at home to study. hehhh.

2006-04-28T17:38:00.000-07:00

Last was such a touching night..
4 of my great sisters in christ got baptised! wenshan, samuela, clara and berlinda! so happy! =)

baptism service was superb last night too..
esp e part when everyone of the baptism candidates had to tell everyone in 10 seconds what God had done in their life..
"God is always there for me, always always and I trust my life on him."
"When I was young I could see ghosts, and my family was very broken but God healed my family."

they said so much so much.. tears just kept filling my eyes. God was really present last night. everything everyone of them said touched me so much. someone even said that Jesus is her best friend and he will always be there for her or something like that. It realli touched me that he realli realli loves everyone of us and that he is always there. and that without him.. I would have an empty void in my heart. which is now filled! -grinns-

even worship was great! there was this very nice chinese song that we sang.. I want the lyrics!.. d=

oh ya.. sabrina came too. so nice to see her again! (= she looked so super cute and innocent in her acjc uniform. even jenna agreed. haha. she bought baby food for e 4 of them. so cute la.. cos she said it was new life in Christ!

had a gd talk with melody while shopping bout them.. hey dear! we will continue to pray hard for them. We must have faith no matter how hard it seems. because our God is big and he loves both of them a lot too.

hope weilin is better! emotionally and physically. and christine and marilyn too.

2006-04-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

27 April 2006

that shimin!! nv pick up my call nv reply my msgs.. so like our part is incomplete.
so i'm stuck with chatting with that siyan and she is making me blog.

but.... i can't blog a thing with her on e phone so she is shooed off. haha.

i broke my record! ta da! i had dinner at 10.20pm! :D
bcos i had to meet emilyn for post-e after school. it was a realli great session.. was telling her bout what melody told me.
e vision someone saw.. Jesus Christ carrying a baby lamb in his arms.
so sweet.. makes me feel like so sweet and cute. but ya.. -coughs- hehh.

mid-yrs starts tmr!!.. everyone jiayou!!!!! even my da jie is taking her final paper in uni. -grinns- n then she will graduate! yay!!!.. i super qi taiing to go to e graduation thingy.
so fun! though shawnie told me the food was bad her year.. but.. oh well. its gonna be fun! =)

ahhh.. soon she will be out to work. gosh! she's realli getting old.. n that shows that i am getting old too! wah! n er jie's going to uni. one in one out.. they never meet it seems.

anyway im like avoiding alll messages n even on msn. xin says she just escapes all the time. it applies for me too. i wondered if i was too harsh?

too too straight foward.
couldn't she have been more tactful?
the way she asked
is like definite denial
sorry..

2006-04-25T08:23:00.000-07:00

25 April 2006

I must remember what our bio lecturer said..
God gave us one mouth to speak but 2 ears to hear. so apparently we are supposed to listen more!!!.. mayb i should realli try. one day without talking. wonder if that will work? =X

2006-04-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

=) really thank God for her.. thank you dear for being there when i felt so terrible n didn't know what to do bout myself. you really made me feel so much better. so glad we are sisters in christ.. so glad u came to church. bcos spiritual famiy is forever. :)

2006-04-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

22 April 2006

she shall learn not have any expectations of her..
but just to keep loving her unconditionally..
not expecting anything at all..

but sometimes she wonders.. is it that hard?
when she hurts her toe.. to simply ask if she is alright?
when she tears over a lousy exam.. to stay by her side?
when she is afraid to be by her?
when she feels down to be there?

instead of..
running away.
avoiding her.
refusing to even look at her?
but she knows something.. she has to keep loving this dear friend.. just because..
she loves her and she doesn't want her to be hurt further overlapping her past hurts.

somehow now she doesn't even feel like she has e right to think like that. after all who was that pig who threw a tantrum?.. sighs. herself? she really really doesn't want to expect anything already.. . =)

she promises this will be the very last time she will dwell on it.. the rest of it. I will just eat it up! d=

2006-04-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

21 April 2006

hallo!!! ta da! cher decides to re setup a new blog.. hehh.
why do i always do such things? i promise its e last time!!! -crosses fingers-
actualli its bcos i was reading some people's blogs n i realised.... my life is too interesting not to have a blog!! wahahaha..
-everyone starts glaring- errr.. just joking.

anyway.. i decided to join a cca!! haha. primers.. ta da!
i know it sounds boring but i have reasons ok? they go as follows..

1) cos cynthia asked me to join n im nice? =D
2) becos its our network's CCA! must support!
3) becos im quite bored on wednesdays.. hehe. (n i have no money to go shopping?)
4) becos cynthia says they play bball for fun sometimes!!!! (woo-hoo! note.. this is e main reason. lol) im gonna live for those days.. -big smile-
5) there's gonna be bible study too! =)
6) another impt reason.. i don't have to go every week. haha.
7) my network of friends in NYP is too small.. i need to know more people. haha.
speaking of that.. i think i will drag clara to join too.. yay! hope she joins -crosses fingers-
so fun!!!.. im feeling more n more excited. they go on hikes too. i hope they go running too.. i want to be healthy!!!!

ever since i returned back to sch e amt of unhealthy food i eat in sch is amazing.. yesterday was e record..
first i ate big breakfast for breakfast (duh!) then i ate shared a brownie with ice cream with melody.. so nice la!!!! -smirks at siyan- then i ate a packet of those crackers by myself!!!!!.. i felt so ewww afterwards. everyone refused to share with me.